Sunday, October 24, 2004

the world is falling to pieces around me

For the first time in perhaps the history of my life my life is going fine, (everything is figured out, calm, orderly, non-dramatic, doing quite well in all areas, and I'm happy and content) but it seems that almost everyone else's is gone to pieces. Friends who have always been there for each other, who had one of the strongest friendships I've known personally aren't friends anymore, they are fighting, roommates (not mine) can't talk to each other and have resorted to using the internet to vent their feelings toward each other (which by the way aren't the most positive), one of my roommates is stressed out because of school and work and I never get to see her or talk to her which makes me sad. Another roommate has been hurt terribly by a person she once trusted, and who once trusted her, and now as a result has her world turned upside down. People are breaking up and moving out of each others lives, with some bitterness and some relief.

There are obviously people I know who have their lives going well, who are having the times of their life abroad, or are eagerly (or somewhat stressfully) planning a wedding and a new life. I

There are people that I am unfortunately out of touch with at the moment due to the busy and incompatible times of our lives, but I know that if something were up they would contact me and we could figure things out so that everything is back in the right place (even if it's not any less hectic.)

This is my senior year of college, the last year that all of us are going to be all together. I know some of us will be in college longer - due to being younger, or having to take more classes for whatever reasons (larger majors, double majors, re-taking classes, etc), but this is the last year that we are together within such short distances physically. It saddens me very much that the majority of the quarter has been filled with such strife and anger towards one another, or simply lack of seeing each other because of sheer volume of things to do. I want to make the most of the time I have left with these people, but it is very hard to do when some can't stand the sight of others and when some are simply not around. I want everyone to be as happy or happier than I am right now. I have things figured out, I'm not at odds with other people in my life (though I think some are complete idiots for what they have done to other friends - they haven't done anything to me personally). I don't know what to do anymore. I had hoped that a weekend where we didn't really see each other would make a difference, but I don't think it has. Maybe it's worse even. I guess I go on living my life, being happy, doing the things that are right for me, and try not to fix everyone around me. I can be there for them, but I can't make everything right for everyone, as much as I want.

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